Does my shower count as self-care?

After rescheduling twice, it’s finally time for my annual health assessment. Being generally (and gratefully) in good health, it’s easy to bump that appointment by a few weeks because my kids have an orthodontist appointment or I’m trying to fit in a last-minute client.  The ease of this, however, belies the risk.

 

We’ve all heard the expression, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. I’ve even said it myself. I’m unsure if I’ve ever asked myself what a full cup looks like.

 

If I followed popular literature on parent self-care, I should be writing this from a spa after some “me time” champagne. Instead, I’m writing this while watching my kids scooter on our circle with their friends (something that brings me more joy than champagne).

 

Out of curiosity, I googled “shower” and “self-care” and found an astonishing number of people in online forums asking, “are showers self-care”.  It goes without saying (but still bears repeating) that most of those asking were women. (I’m tempted to dive into the unrealistic and even contradictory standards placed on women but go watch America Ferrera’s Barbie speech instead).

 

Most of us don’t really know what self-care is let alone how to do it (or when to do it). The research on self-care for parents sheds light on a stark reality: it’s far more than just a sporadic escape to the spa or bubble bath. It’s about diving into the trenches of daily life armed with strategies that fortify, rather than deplete, our mental reserves. Studies underscore the importance of embracing a holistic approach to self-care—one that encompasses not just fleeting moments of relaxation, but fundamental lifestyle choices geared toward nurturing our physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.

 

It’s worth asking the question I reflect on regularly, “am I setting my life up for success?” While we can’t “Marie Kondo” all the things out of our lives that don’t bring us joy, we can do our best to create a lifestyle that has the space for rest and restoration. Our culture has tricked us into thinking that binge watching “Love is Blind” or scrolling Instagram are both a “break” and a “guilty pleasure”. Not only are they not actually restorative, recent research shows correlations between binge watching, sleep difficulties, and stress.

 

Prioritizing sleep to whatever capacity your life allows, purposefully including downtime in your schedule, walking or moving your body in whatever way feels right for you, are all much more effective self-care strategies. Making those medical appointments, getting that mammogram or cancer screening are all elements of self-care that don’t get the same flashy attention as “girls’ weekends” or “boys’ nights out”.

 

Studies also highlight the link between self-care and an often-neglected critical component: self-compassion. In positive psychology, studies emphasize the transformative power of self-compassion in bolstering resilience and achieving emotional balance.

 

It’s about extending the same grace and understanding to ourselves that we so readily offer to others—a gentle reminder that amid the chaos of parenthood, it’s okay to stumble, to falter, and to pick ourselves up again with kindness and empathy.

 

In essence, the journey of self-care for parents is a gritty, soul-stirring endeavor—one that transcends the glossy veneer of Instagram-worthy escapades. It’s about rolling up our sleeves and crafting a life that honors our inherent worthiness, a life where rest is revered, movement is medicine, and connection is our lifeblood. It’s a radical act of self-love—an ongoing commitment to cultivating resilience, embracing imperfection, and carving out moments of grace in the beautiful messiness of parenthood.