Once when my children were toddlers, I was trying to get both them and my husband out the door so we weren’t late for our parent and baby swimming lesson. In the midst of the chaos, it hit me. My efforts to hurry everyone up had me creating this tornado around me and yet nothing was moving any faster because of it. On the contrary, my stress was making it harder for all of us. I had to ask myself if the swimming lessons were truly worth the chaos and stress leading up to getting us all there on time. They weren’t. Many things aren’t. Structured activities can be incredibly valuable but constant busyness and over-scheduling (hello mom taxi!) come at a premium cost. What’s the price of a packed family schedule?
It’s the space between (not that Space Between. Though, I bet you’re singing it now).
We underestimate the power of the space between. As a child psychologist and parent coach, one of my main goals is to help both parents and children create the space between a situation (a stimulus) and a reaction (a response). To allow room to breathe. To slow down their reactions. To gain mastery over their emotions.
In therapy, we often talk about “holding space”. We “hold space” by being physically and emotionally present for someone and listening without judgement.
When we don’t allow enough space between in our lives- space between school and home, space between activities/homework/meals, the impact is clear. We are more stressed. Our children are more stressed. They lose out on necessary unstructured downtime and there is little time for deep connection. They may be more tired, irritable, or anxious.